How do nearly all conflicts ignite? In my experience, the reason is often differing perceptions of reality.
Someone says something based on her own perception; the other person understands it differently on the basis of his own perception and boooom: the first one feels misunderstood – which indeed is often the case ? – then the second person begins to defend his position ? and then … ???.
[Tweet „What we call reality is not a reality, on closer inspection, but our interpretation of what we perceive as reality.“]
I would not go so far as to conclude that there is no reality. But this realization should make us humble, because between actual reality and our perception and thinking there are quite a few disturbing factors at play.
How many conflicts could have been resolved a a long time ago, or would never have occurred, if the people involved were less absolute about their own perceptions of reality?
What helps the consideration of reality?
The consideration of reality is quite complicated. So I want to make it as easy as possible and give three concrete tips to help us get closer to reality:
Listen!
… that includes keeping your mouth shut. ?
See!
… it helps to understand through which glasses (personality, history, our own perceptions…) you are looking.
Think!
… we need to allow time ourselves time to observe and think!
How do we respond to reality?
So we took the time to listen, to look and to think and to get a picture of reality.
Do not forget: this is still our subjective view of reality!
Now we are challenged to do something with it.
Personally, I have made some foundational decisions that turned out to be valuable. Regardless of whether I liked the reality or not, I decided to:
stick with love;
act – instead of whine;
communicate clearly.
If we like what we see, it’s usually easy. But if we do not like it, then these 3 points can be quite difficult.
Love is the most challenging point for me. That’s why I have to prepare for it in the morning. I need a good start to the day so I do not jump straight into the ToDo’s or get involved in social media and the problems of the world. Instead, I take time for sports, silence, prayer and, if possible, a good breakfast. This helps me to remember that I am loved myself and that I can love others out of this awareness.
I communicate quite a lot about „doing“. I do not just do that to inspire others, but also to remind myself. I have also had a T-shirt printed that says #act instead of whine. Even when I wear this T-shirt as an undershirt, it tends to keep me from moaning and lets me choose the active way.
If something annoys me, I tend to retreat or shut down. But retreating does not help anyone, and more than that, no one understands why I am acting the way I am acting. It is much more effective for all involved (me included) when I, through my perception of reality, communicate and express what I do not like and I prefer instead.
How do we shape reality? A job description for entrepreneurs.
If reality is subjective then we can take advantage of it. That’s exactly what entrepreneurs do! They look at the world and find an area in which the reality they see does not correspond to reality as they think it should be. Then they roll up their sleeves and get down to work to change this unsatisfactory condition.
Job descriptions for entrepreneurs are already pretty good, so I do not want to invent a new one here. Instead, I have pulled the book „CRUSHING IT!“ by Gary Vaynerchuk from the shelf. For the second time (he has other books that also cover this topic), he is intensively discussing what entrepreneurs should do to be successful and names 7 + 1 „essentials“ as core elements:
- intent
- authenticity
- passion
- patience
- speed
- work
- attention
- content
intent
As important as „how“ we do things – without a strong „WHY“ we will soon find difficulty. Interestingly, the WHY is not only important for the motivation of the entrepreneur himself, but also for the customers. The WHY is also at the heart of this article because it is mostly the perceived discrepancy of how we perceive reality and how we would like it on the other side. But our intent also says something about ourselves; about how we position ourselves to solve a problem we perceive. When we emerge on the market with an honest intention (a clear WHY) and show that we really care about something (CARE), we have a strong starting position.
authenticity
We need courage to really show ourselves. However, based on our intentions, we have something inspiring to show, and we should. It is important that we do this honestly and with tact. How do you learn this?
… the answer could be applied to pretty much any subject from Gary Vaynerchuk: By doing it!
passion
In an interview, Gary was asked how he manages to be passionate every day.
His answer was, „How can I not be passionate?“ „I have the incredible fortune to be alive! I live in a world that offers more opportunities than ever! Every day I can absolutely fulfill my personality! How can I not be passionate? How can you not be passionate? „
patience
On the surface, this character trait would be least attributed to an entrepreneur. At the same time, it is absolutely central. Things take time. Toni Robbins says, „We regularly overestimate what we can do in one day, but we underestimate what we can do in a year or 10 years!“.
speed
How does speed match patience?
Gary V.’s Answer: We need patience when it comes to long-term things. Speed is needed when it comes to short-term things.
For many decisions, it is simply important that make them. A wrong decision can often be ironed out quickly – a decision that has not been made paralyzes everyone involved.
work
People who have achieved something worthwhile have always worked hard for it. There is no way around it.
attention
Where is the attention of the people? … and how can we gain this attention for our offer or concern? That’s the question entrepreneurs have to face constantly!
content
Gary Vaynerchuk has dedicated a complete chapter to the importance of content in this new book. The content we publish makes all the above points tangible to people who want to learn about our work. It is not just about communicating the right offer but also about letting people participate in the normal everyday life and also in our thoughts and intentions.
Of course, there is still much to be said about what an entrepreneur should do if he wants to change reality and make a better world possible. But with these 8 points, we already have a good start.
But I would like to add a decisive point:
When it comes to running a successful business, hardly any entrepreneur can do it all. This is what Ernesto Sirolli has worked out extremely well in his book How to Start a Business & Ignite Your Life. He speaks of the trinity of management, meaning that each company needs the following 3 elements of senior management:
- product
- Marketing & Sales
- finances
Normally, an entrepreneur is strong in one or two areas. In the other areas he needs to supplement his weakness. This can also happen in the beginning through external support (for example, finance can be covered by a good accountant). Most companies are born out of a great passion for the product or service – so they often fail at marketing & sales or finance. If we just keep in mind that these areas are important and that it always needs all THREE facets of leadership, then we also find ways to get it right way in our company.
The fact is, our world offers incredible possibilities, and if we do not like something, there is usually a way to contribute to positive change. I set out on this path 10 years ago, and I’m happy to be able to encourage one or the other through this article, or through videos, lectures, discussions, etc., to get on that path as well.